LIBRARY TO DISCONTINUE BOOKS, PHYSICAL ITEMS
The Ross Pendergraft Library of Arkansas Tech University recently announced its plans to phase out all print materials from its facility. Beginning April 1, 2016, all books, periodicals, newspapers, law books, maps, dictionaries, microforms, and other physical items will be systematically de-shelved and destroyed. Library Director Brent Etzel stated to the bored local and national press, “Everything you could ever want is online or digitized now, and patrons rarely use these physical copies anyway, so we might as well get rid of them. Students and courtesy patrons only come here to use the computers, anyway.” Following his announcement, held outside the library steps, he glanced wearily at the face of Ross Pendergraft and muttered solemnly, “All in all, we’re just another brick in the wall,” before trudging indoors, avoiding further comment.
Chareen Austin, Circulation Manager of RPL, voiced her approval of the decision. “Once all the books, DVD’s and reference items are out of the building, student workers and library staff can devote more time to helping patrons with the computers, since they won’t have to check in, check out, or re-shelve items anymore. With all this free time, I think we’re gonna start lending out student workers for ditch-digging duty. I hear the university approved plans to build a reservoir for Lake Tech.”
Progress has been swift following the library’s announcement
The removal of said items, admits Circulation staff, will be no easy feat. Among these items are over 160,000 bound volumes of books, over 4,000 CD’s, 6,000+ DVD’s, 110,000 government documents, and the current and backlogged issues of over 300 scholarly journals. Special collections, popular reading, and children’s reading will also be “done away with,” stated Etzel. The library director did not provide details on what was to become of these items, but some reporters caught subtle references to a Ray Bradbury novel; anonymous insider information recently leaked online revealed a top-secret library staff “retreat” to be held following initial removal of items. Although the itinerary was composed of code writing consisting mostly of call numbers in both Dewey Decimal and Library of Congress, so far Internet code breakers have managed to piece together the call numbers on books in the recreation section that includes recipes to campfire s’mores. RPL library staff could not be reached for comment.
When asked about the dozens of artwork housed in the library, Etzel paused, then answered, “Yeah, we could probably trash those, too.”
Feedback from students on campus was mixed; some responses included “Meh,” and “The library has books?”
Click here to see the proposed schedule of physical items leaving the library.
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Gotcha! Happy April Fool’s, everyone!